Change is a part of life.
Just last month, we moved apartments. And even though I knew the change was coming, and said on a number of occasions, “there’s a big change coming – we need to cut ourselves a lot of slack,” it didn’t stop that change from kicking our metaphorical asses.
Change, in my case, is pretty… undignified. Whatever the opposite of graceful is, you’ll find me there during major shifts.
And that’s true for many.
Whether it’s moving to a new city, starting a new job, or even small lifestyle adjustments, many of us feel a sense of unease both before, during, and a long time after the change. This is definitely true of change we don’t see coming. Or bad changes we know are on their way.
But why can even positive change—something we’ve looked forward to—trigger anxiety?
The answer lies in how our minds and bodies respond to uncertainty.
For those of us who’ve experienced complex trauma, this reaction is often heightened. Even though change can be good for us, our past experiences can cause us to misinterpret all change as a threat.
Let’s dive deeper into the anxiety of change and how we can (try to) navigate it in a healthier way.
**This post and my research on the topic is just as much for me as it is for an external audience**
The Nature of Change
Change, even when positive, represents uncertainty.
Our brains are still wired to prefer stability and predictability. (How unfortunate for those of us in this modern era). And to our limbic, reptilian brains, predictability = safety.
When something new arises—like moving house or starting a new study program (both of which I have done this month!)—it sets off alarm bells throughout the body.
So, the perceived vulnerability that comes with uncertainty often leads to some degree of anxiety. Even when the change is ultimately beneficial.
Complex Trauma & Maladation to Change
For those of us with complex trauma (CPTSD), any shift—whether positive or negative—can feel unsettling.
Tim Fletcher, my favourite internet psychologist, says people with CPTSD can often see change as dangerous because it threatens the familiar.
Even if that familiar wasn’t good.
Why? Because complex trauma survivors often associate change with painful transitions. Especially if we were unsupported during key life moments like childhood moves, family breakdowns, or other major disruptions.
These early experiences can condition us to resist change or label it as dangerous. So our brains registered another equation and stored it deep in our bodies.
Change is always bad and I will have to deal with it all by myself.
When I moved house recently and decided to return to studying, I knew that these changes would affect me. They were exciting and positive life decisions, but the anxiety still crept in.
I experienced a whole load of symptoms. One of the scariest was the return of intrusive, catastrophic thoughts. Like, “What if your daughter got hit by a car?” or “What if you all end up homeless and on the street?”
On the surface, these thoughts have nothing to do with starting a new study program or changing apartments.
But when I reflected on my anxiety around these changes, I realised that it wasn’t the move or the studying itself that was scary. It was the childhood memory of going through major life shifts feeling alone and unsupported.
And the flying catastrophic thoughts? They were just a symptom of my heightened anxiety. My brain was scared, and it was letting me know.
Recognising that made it easier to understand where the anxiety was coming from. And it helped me avoid mislabeling the change as inherently bad.
Positive Change Isn’t Always Comfortable
It’s easy to believe that positive changes should automatically feel good.
But here’s the truth: change can feel uncomfortable no matter how good it is.
The anxiety of change stems from our maladaptive response, which is often rooted in past trauma. Just because something feels bad doesn’t mean it is.
Mislabeling Positive Change as Negative
When I moved to my new home and started studying again, I felt anxious, despite the excitement of new beginnings.
In the past, I would have taken that anxiety as a sign that something was wrong.
However, this time, I was able to separate my feelings from the actual change.
I reminded myself that these feelings were my body’s response to the unknown—not evidence that something bad was happening. (“No, we aren’t going to end up homeless on the street anytime soon”).
By recognising that discomfort during change is normal, we can stop sabotaging ourselves or avoiding growth.
It’s important to remember that feeling anxious doesn’t mean the change is bad—it just means it’s new.
How to Build Resilience to the Anxiety of Change
Thankfully, we don’t have to stay stuck in anxiety every time life shifts.
Here are some strategies that have worked for me (to an extent). Hopefully, they’ll help you to strengthen your resilience to both positive and negative change:
1. Self-Compassion: Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgement
Half the battle when anxiety surfaces is recognising and acknowledging it for what it is: a natural bodily response to the fear of the unknown. (Remember how our brains don’t enjoy the unfamiliar?)
Don’t suppress it. Don’t judge yourself for feeling that way. (And don’t judge yourself for judging yourself, either!)
Even if your reaction is extreme of disproportionate, your body has likely been conditioned for decades to react this way.
Be kind to yourself. Change is hard, and it’s okay to struggle with it.
It will take time to learn a different way of managing change.
2. Understand the Roots of Your Anxiety
Often, anxiety during change is linked to old wounds.
Explore where your feelings come from.
For me, change as a child meant that I needed to toughen up and harden my heart to take the blows that came with entering foreign, often hostile territory. (e.g. Moving to racist South Africa as a toddler, skipping a grade and losing my friends, etc.). I was also left to deal with these big feelings alone. We just weren’t a talk-about-your-feelings kind of family.
In my case, understanding that my childhood experiences made me sensitive to change helped me detach those emotions from the present situation.
3. Practice Cognitive Reframing
Cognitive reframing is a technique where you consciously shift your perspective.
Instead of focusing on potential negatives, try to see the positive aspects of change.
This can help you retrain your brain to view change as an opportunity rather than a threat.
I tried to remind myself often that our previous apartment did not meet our needs for space and play. Our current home much better meets those needs.
And the new study program? Well, it’s something I’ve always been interested in. I am so lucky to be able to pivot to doing something that truly interests me!
This is cognitive reframing in action.
4. Somatic Exercises to Release Tension
Physical tension often accompanies the anxiety of change. Thankfully, there is a growing repository of somatic exercises available on YouTube to help during those times.
Practices like:
- Belly breathing
- Grounding techniques
- Yoga or gentle movement
These can help you process your emotions through your body, releasing stored tension.
Because often, it’s our reptilian, limbic brain that needs to be calmed. And many times, words and reason alone just won’t do the trick.
5. Mindfulness and Grounding
Related to the somatic exercises is mindfulness and grounding.
Stay present by using mindfulness techniques. (I love the Down Dog app for all things yoga and meditation).
Grounding exercises like focusing on your breath or feeling your feet on the floor can help you stay connected to the present moment and avoid spiraling into worst-case scenarios. (Like I did).
6. Seek Support
I told two friends, separately, that we had just moved to a new apartment. They both replied, “Oh wow, that’s very stressful. I hope that you had help!”.
We had hired cleaners to return our old apartment to rentable standards. And I thought that was “lavish” of us. But I realised that it wasn’t nearly enough help.
Quite honestly, despite all the growth I’ve experienced over this last year, it hadn’t actually occurred to me to get help moving.
But I have since returned to therapy as an extra little gift of support to myself and it feels wonderful.
So, whether through therapy or trusted relationships, don’t be afraid to ask for help when change feels overwhelming.
Support systems are crucial for navigating the anxiety of change and ensuring that you don’t go through difficult transitions alone.
7. Break It Down
Don’t want to break down? Then break it down!
If the change is practical (like moving or starting a new job), break it down into smaller tasks.
I like to write out my tasks for the next day the evening before. Then I like to run through my entire upcoming day in my head. From what I’m going to eat to what I plan to wear and do.
It often helps me both logistically and mentally. This way, my brain knows what’s coming and isn’t so panicky about the unknown.
So, when we reduce big changes into bite-sized steps, we minimise overwhelm and make the process more manageable.
Final Thoughts
Change, no matter how big or small, has a way of stirring up deep emotions.
For those of us healing from complex trauma, the anxiety of change can be particularly challenging.
But by recognising where our fear comes from, practicing self-compassion, and strengthening our resilience, we can learn to embrace change without letting anxiety stop us.
Not all change is bad, and discomfort doesn’t mean we’re on the wrong path.
It’s simply a reminder that we’re growing.
So the next time you find yourself anxious about a new chapter in your life, remember: you’ve faced change before, and you’ll face it again—with greater strength (and better resources) each time.
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