Before and After: 30 Days of Face Yoga, Mewing & Jade Rolling

I love me a good before and after.  And for the longest time, I’ve been intrigued by the idea of naturally enhancing facial features. That sharp jawline and sculpted cheekbone look – it definitely has a certain appeal. (Hello, Brad Pitt!) I found myself curious about alternative methods like face yoga, mewing, and jade rolling.  What if, I thought, combining these techniques could lead to results similar to surgery? (I’m a dreamer, okay?!) What if I gave myself a “before and after”? My goals? Reduce the number of chins under my possession, get a less dough-ey jawline, and maybe lift the dropping angle of my eyes a little so my resting face doesn’t scream “I’m soooo over it”. So, I embarked on a journey of natural face sculpting, and let’s just say, the before and after photos are… interesting?  Come, take a look. But First, Why Even Care? While embracing natural ageing is absolutely a valid choice, it’s worth considering the unnatural impact our environment already has on us.  Processed foods, pollution, and stress are just a few factors that contribute to the visible signs of ageing.  Some self-care, even if it’s facial exercises or a simple skincare routine, is a way to counteract some of these unnatural influences.  Plus, let’s be honest, our society often judges based on appearance. (Though I’m not saying it’s right).  And I’m a pragmatist. I know that maintaining a youthful look can have it’s advantages.  From certain career opportunities to simply feeling more confident in social settings, looking younger can open doors and create a more positive experience. Especially as we’re poised to live longer. My 30-Day Face Yoga, Jade Roller, & Mewing Routine   Once I’d gotten my (part-practical, part-vain) reasons out of the way, I needed a plan.  The most important factor?  It had to be a plan I could stick to for a minimum of 30 days (though I planned to show results over 6 months). My face routine had to easily fit in with my life and had to be somewhat enjoyable. (It’s so much harder doing things you don’t like!). So, I came up with this:  Evening Face Yoga Routine (10mins) From all the Googling I did, face yoga seemed like it was the most “legit”. Many reported having great face-lifting results. This is also the reason why I was the most consistent with this part of my routine, performing it every day.  After a quick Google, I chose a 10 minute evening video by the supposed “face expert”.  I chose this video because it was soothing, had no talking, and had the words “lift and firm” in the title.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKz9Y6CEVd4 The best thing about this was how relaxed I felt after doing it. The mini routine, in itself, became the prize.  I would wash the day’s sunscreen off my face, apply Inkey’s hyaluronic acid serum, and then my nighttime bakuchiol moisturiser.  After leaving it on to seep in for a few minutes, I would begin the follow-along video.  The video helps you tense and relax all of the major muscles in your face. By the time I’d finished, I’d feel super relaxed and ready for bed.  About 10 days in, I realised that I didn’t care so much if the routine was actually working.  Just like how we read our twins a story before “sleepy time”, I’d continue using this routine as my wind-down before bed.   Morning Jade Roller Routine (5mins) Okay, so this was initially meant to be a “Jade Roller and Gua Sha” morning routine…  Buuut my twin toddlers stole my green Gua Sha and told me that it was now “the heart of Te Fiti”. (Moana reference, if you know, you know). Why jade rolling?  I put my jade roller in the freezer overnight and it feels really nice in the morning.  It helps freshen me up, and I feel significantly more de-puffed (especially during allergy season). The idea behind it is that it lightly presses against the lymphatic system and gets the fluids under your skin moving and draining better. To make sure I could stick to it, I followed the easy morning jade roller routine below (which I often just did in the passenger seat while we drove the girls to school). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s3LcLvGM3b4 Mewing Mewing was the last thing I tried to incorporate into my routine. “What the hell is mewing?” you ask. Sit down, get comfortable, and let me tell you –  Mewing has nothing to do with making cat sounds.  Mewing, named after orthodontist John Mew, involves resting your tongue on the roof of your mouth, with the tip touching the back of your upper front teeth. The idea is that this posture, held throughout the day, can widen the jawline and improve facial definition.  My method: Have 2-hourly alarms from 7am until 7pm reminding me to mew.  After several days of this, I think my tongue is now automatically in the top position. Now, the caveats: Mewing is said to be a long-term thing, so I don’t expect any widening of my jawline in a mere 30 days.  I plan to do it for at least 6 months and capture any changes this way.  Also, there’s no scientific evidence to support claims by people saying their face structure has changed due to mewing.  It’s all been very anecdotal evidence, so far. But the online before and after photos are incredible, to say the least. Which is why I haven’t been putting all my facial eggs in the mewing basket.  The Results: Before and After The moment you’ve all been waiting for – my one month before and after results from all my efforts. Take a look: You don’t see it? Well, neither do I, to be honest… Maybe there’s a slight lessening of my double-chinnage. A smidge less cheek chub? Perhaps… But there may be another, more powerful explanation for that. Weight Loss During that same month, I lost around 3kgs (or 6.5lbs).  That might not seem like much, but for someone who is

Emotional Dysregulation: Why You Snap & How to Stop

Ever wake up with the sudden awareness that you’ve been constantly stressed all your life? Well, that was me after my first stint in therapy. It suddenly hit me that a big reason for some of my most destructive habits and behaviours was my attempt and self-regulating.  And when I finally saw it, I felt like a fish discovering water – suddenly I saw it everywhere! I’m talking about food addiction, TV addiction, shutting down emotions, and more. These were things that I thought were “just part of my personality”, but they were just coping techniques for low-grade, constant stress.  And the worst part: these habits were holding me back from goals, relationships, and self-esteem.  So, in this post, I’ll be answering: What is emotional dysregulation? How do I know if I’m emotionally regulated or not? Why are some of us more prone to dysregulation, while others seem to handle stress better? And most importantly, how can we self-regulate to get out of the spiral of dysregulation? What is emotional dysregulation? Definitions for emotional dysregulation vary greatly.  One of the more sterile definitions I’ve found is, “an inability to control or regulate one’s emotional responses, which can lead to significant mood swings, significant changes in mood, or emotional lability“.  A less clinical definition, and the way I like to think of it is that emotional dysregulation is when you have trouble managing your emotions. This can mean feeling overwhelmed by emotions, having difficulty calming down, or struggling to express your feelings in a healthy way. It’s as though your emotions are like the volume dial on a loudspeaker. Normally, you can turn it up and down depending on the situation. But with emotional dysregulation, it’s like the knob is stuck or gets jammed easily or even randomly turns itself to whatever volume.  You might feel calm one minute and then suddenly explode in anger over something seemingly small. You might be stressed an anxious at 10pm with no obvious cause.  It’s like your emotions are way louder (or quieter) than the situation calls for, and it can be hard to get them back to a comfortable, situation-appropriate level.   How do I know whether I’m emotionally regulated or not? You might think that it would be obvious to anyone who was emotionally out-of-whack that they were part of the emotionally dysregulated community. But, with most things involving emotions, it is not that simple.   Take my case, for example. My entire life I have experienced high anxiety, innumerable bouts of depression, and intrusive, suicidal thoughts. I also used food, TV, and sometimes other substances (like alcohol, sugar, and even cannabis) to cope.  But the entire time, I had no idea that all of these manifestations were simply the symptoms of emotional dysregulation. Below I’ve compiled some of the big, should-be-obvious-but-they’re-not symptoms of emotional dysregulation.  It was only when I did therapy that I realised that it was not “normal” to feel this way all the time.  If you experience any one of these symptoms, it’s important not to ignore them. Or worse, take them as part of your “deficient” personality.  Why Are We Even Like This? Okay, let’s put aside cases for emotional dysregulation from getting your head whacked and disrupting your brain’s hardware.  For the majority of us, we are chronically emotionally dysregulated because we were never taught how to regulate our emotions.  Emotional regulation, like many other things in life, is an acquired skill, not an innate ability. And many of us who grew up in households where you had to cater to the emotions of the adults in our lives never figured out how to tend to our own.  Below are 9 possible reasons why you’re chronically dysregulated.    Each of these potential reasons is a big deal in and of itself, so please don’t feel like you need more than one thing to ‘justify’ your chronic emotional dysregulation. This list is also by no means exhaustive. There are simply way more ways to not know how to cope than there are ways to self-regulate.  So, if you can’t see your particular situation reflected in the list, drop it in the comments below to help others relate. How To Self-Regulate Ah, the tricky part – calming the f*** down without the usual self-destructive aids. I have not mastered this part, which means I’m not writing to you from the smug end of victory. I am, however, significantly further along the process than when I started.  It takes a while. Because it’s about rewiring your entire nervous system to be different to how it’s been your entire life.  But every inch of your peace gained is worth the battles you fight to win it. Here is some of the best ways to regulate: Breathing (The Right Way) I once heard this monk say that “99% of all our problems come from breathing incorrectly”. I don’t know if that’s true, but breathing well can definitely help to self-regulate. This techniques works best for the explosive or overwhelming feelings. The kind where you feel like you’re going to burst. It also works quite well for severe anxiety. The trick is to breathe out for longer than you breathe in.  So, if you breath in for a count of 6, make sure to breathe out for a count of 8 or more to get the calming benefits. Do this for at least 5 rounds of in-and-out breaths, or until you feel calm. (Be sure to count. Doing the opposite – inhaling for longer than you exhale – can exacerbate anxiety).  Movement Exercise – not one anyone wants to hear, I know.  But hear me out, because I would not recommend this unless I personally experienced the benefits. And I have. I usually exercise at home, alone, early in the morning. On my rest days, I am significantly more dysregulated (I eat more junk, am a bit more snappy). Others use exercise to burn off some steam. Like going for a run when you’re extra stressed at

7 Reasons Why Your Budgets Keep Failing (and How to Fix It)

Ah, adulting. That glorious (terrifying?) transition into the land of independence, responsibility, and…wait, what’s this? Bills? Rent? Surprise medical expenses?  While high school might have equipped us with the quadratic formula, navigating the complexities of personal finance often feels like total gibberish. Is it any wonder why budgets fail?  We meticulously craft spreadsheets, categorise expenses, and vow to stick to the plan… only to find ourselves bewildered weeks later splurging on an emotional-support-vacation. (Just me?)  But fear not, fellow financial misfits! My journey, littered with the remnants of several failed budgets, has finally led me to a place of financial clarity.  Through a shift in mindset and the implementation of some key practices, I’ve cracked the code on not just creating a budget, but actually sticking to it.  This article dives deep into the reasons why budgets fail so often.  I’ll explore the psychology of successful money management, and give you actionable tips to create a personalised spending plan that works for you.  So, grab your chai (or whatever you use to self-soothe), and let’s get adulting! Why Budgets Fail #1: Unconscious Money Beliefs If you have repeatedly failed at properly managing your personal finances, more likely than not, you have unconscious money habits dictating your actions behind the scenes.  And one of the biggest culprits behind failing budgets is a psychological phenomenon known as the “ostrich syndrome.”  Take the ostrich who is faced with danger, burying its head in the sand, with the logic of “if I can’t see the predator, it can’t see me”.  This might seem like an obviously foolish strategy for the ostrich, but many of us do it with our personal finances (and it’s probably, in most cases, why budgets fail).  We avoid anything related to your situation – letters from the bank pile up unopened, we “contactless” tap our cards or phones without looking at the till, and budgeting apps remain unopened for months on our phones.  This behaviour is no small issue.  It stems from a deep aversion to taking responsibility for our financial situation. And in my opinion, is probably the number 1 reason why budgets fail.  It’s easier to remain blissfully ignorant than confront the harsh reality of mounting debt or dwindling savings. In many cases, this avoidance is rooted in childhood experiences. Perhaps your parents fought constantly about money, creating a negative association with finances.  Maybe you witnessed a loved one struggle financially, and the fear of a similar fate fuels your unwillingness to confront your own situation.  For some, budgeting can feel like a symbol of “adulting,” a responsibility they’d rather avoid. They might crave the carefree spending habits of their youth.  Clinging to financial irresponsibility may be a way to hold onto a shred of ease in an adult world fraught with anxieties. Ignoring your finances can also manifest in impulsive spending sprees, a desperate attempt to fill a void with material possessions.  It’s a self-soothing technique that likely has its own set of deeply rooted causes like growing up in poverty/ austerity or in a family that only expressed love with things.  Ostrich syndrome, and all the other unconscious money beliefs and habits we have, often gets so out of control that our brain starts to do what’s known as “magical thinking”.  This is adopting a belief that the complicated web of financial problems we spun will somehow magically disappear.  All of these behaviors are ultimately self-defeating and hinder any attempt at creating a sustainably money life.  But there is a way out.  What you need is a little bravery to uncover and confront these secret money beliefs that have been ruling you from the shadows.  Here’s how. How To Stick To A Budget: Examine Your Money Mindset One of the most powerful, yet often overlooked, ways to stick to a budget is by understanding your own money mindset.  Those deeply ingrained beliefs about money, formed through childhood experiences, societal messages, and family dynamics, can have a profound impact on your spending habits. Uncovering these hidden beliefs is like shining a light on the puppet master pulling the strings of your finances.  You’ll finally have an answer to why you overspend on credit or how you end up with ten new pairs of shoes every month. It’s probably also the leading cause of why budgets fail. This process won’t be a quick fix.  Facing challenging memories and confronting limiting beliefs can be difficult, but it’s arguably the most worthwhile investment you can make in your financial future.  Trust me, I speak from experience here.  But remember, a transformed money mindset isn’t just about creating a budget that works – it’s about rewriting the narrative of your relationship with money, paving the way for long-term financial security and freedom. Practical Tips (1) Book Recommendation “The Energy of Money: A Spiritual Guide to Financial and Personal Fulfillment” by Dr. Maria Nemeth.  I read and did the exercises from this book a few years back and it honestly was a wonderful starting point.  It guides you through exercises to identify your relationship with money and rewrite any limiting beliefs holding you back.  (2) Therapy & Inner Child Work What broke through the barriers for me was therapy and, in particular, inner child work. Particularly, working through John Bradshaw’s book “Homecoming.”  It can be incredibly valuable (though very tough) unearthing those early experiences. But there is nothing better than to understand what long-held beliefs might be shaping your financial decisions today.  (3) Talking to Family Talking openly and honestly with safe and supportive family members about their money habits can shed light on your own financial beliefs.  Siblings and parents, especially, would make interesting case studies. Especially because it might be easier to see where they’re going wrong than to analise your own beliefs and habits. Of course, only do this if you have safe, helpful, and generally loving family. Otherwise, you might be setting yourself up for more failure. Another Way To Stick To A Budget:Work Your Self-Trust Muscle Past budgeting

Postpartum Depression: My 14-Month Battle & What Finally Helped

Postpartum Depression: My 14-Month Battle & What Finally Helped Ever stare bleary-eyed at your beautiful newborns, an existential dread twisting in your gut? And felt that, no matter what you tried, the hopelessness wouldn’t budge?  Did you ever wonder whether you were experiencing postpartum depression (PPD) or were just an unfit parent who had made a colossal mistake by bringing life into the world? That was me, Haimi, a new mom of twins.   Here’s the thing: I knew depression before pregnancy, but I always managed to climb out of the hole eventually. This time, though, with double the trouble in the cutest possible form, it felt different.  The exhaustion was one thing, but the crushing anxiety and bottomless sadness – that was new. Months blurred together in a haze of feedings, diaper changes, and a constant, nagging question: would I ever feel joy again?   I genuinely didn’t know if I could go on for much longer. Often, I’d ask myself: is this PPD? I didn’t meet all of the criteria, so I struggled to see myself in what was being written. And because of that, I didn’t get help for a long time. But there is hope if we all talk to each other. And that’s why I’m sharing my story, along with the questions I grappled with, so you don’t have to walk this path alone.   Let’s break down the confusion and fear surrounding PPD, one question at a time. What is Postpartum Depression? (And What Isn’t?) The Oxford dictionary likes to define postpartum depression as depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue; postnatal depression.   I suppose that’s an accurate, clear, and perhaps even comprehensive explanation. After all, one can pack a lot of symptoms into “depression”.  But I like to think of PPD in slightly less clinical terms (just because none of it felt clinical to me). PPD is a complex emotional and hormonal shift that can sometimes occur after childbirth, extending beyond the temporary “baby blues” some new moms experience (that have more to do with the changes from the birthing process rather than a longer term of depression).   What Does Postpartum Depression Feel Like? If you’re struggling with PPD, you might find yourself feeling a persistent sense of sadness, anxiety, or emptiness, even amidst the joy of having a newborn.  Daily tasks can become overwhelming, and sometimes basic self-care feels impossible (even when you have a rare moment for that shower).  You may experience difficulty bonding with your baby or find yourself consumed by worry and guilt about your parenting abilities. You may feel regret at having had a child at all, or feel stuck with the weight of your choice to do so (if it was a choice at all).   It’s not a one-size-fits-all kind of affliction. Seeing it as a box-ticking exercise of symptoms, rather than taking into account the holistic well-being of the mother has the secondary effect of alienating vulnerable women and leaving a lot of them without the help they need. Complete this survey to see if you have the symptoms by completing the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) here.   3 days postpartum Is It Postpartum Depression or the “Baby Blues”? So, what’s the difference between PPD and the so-called “baby blues”? The length and severity.  The baby blues usually come on quickly after birth, make you tired, teary, and tense for a couple of weeks, and then you’re good to go. It also generally does not affect your parenting or adulting abilities. You’re able to reasonably care for yourself and your offspring.  PPD, on the other hand, can start at any point after birth and can last for any amount of time thereafter. The symptoms are often more profound and entrenched. Think: fearfulness, helplessness, hopelessness, regret, guilt, and despair.  Another way I like to think of it is that the baby blues are about physical and chemical changes. Exhaustion, hormonal changes due to birth and breastfeeding, a new routine, etc.  The body takes some time to adjust to this, and the crying and mood swings are a natural result.  PPD has deeper roots. Sure, physical and hormonal changes have a big role to play. But I believe that PPD has a lot to do with our mental make up from before we were pregnant.  Things like lifelong perfectionistic tendencies, coming from a dysfunctional family system, or being fiercely independent can set us up for the big PPD.  Also, if you’ve suffered with bouts of regular-degular depression, or other disorders like bipolar disorder, before getting pregnant, you are at a higher risk of getting PPD after childbirth.  A Useful Analogy Think of the difference between the baby blues and postpartum depression this way: Let’s say you’re on a beach and decide to go for a swim.  The baby blues would be like a wave – maybe a large one – that hits you, maybe knocks you on your butt, and drags you along the sand a little. Not long after, it recedes back into the ocean, and you’re able to pick yourself up and head back to the shore.  You might have a bruise or scrape, and you might be a little stunned, but you otherwise make it out unscathed. PPD would be if you decided to go out to swim in the sea, get sucked far out into the open ocean by a riptide, and you struggle for dear life to get back to shore. Because PPD, like riptides, can be deadly if help is not found quickly.  It’s an experience that profoundly changes your relationship to life and something that’ll take a while to process. Can I Still Have Postpartum Depression if I’m Happy Sometimes? Yes!  Experiencing moments of joy, even happy moments while parenting, would not overrule a diagnosis of PPD. If you otherwise are hampered by an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, loss, regret, guilt, or shame, PPD may still apply. I had many joyful moments with my beautiful twin girls,