Life is a Game Series: Four Fun Things! (August 2024)
All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. Shakespeare Isn’t it fascinating how the metaphor of life as a game or play is echoed across cultures and philosophies? From the Bhagavad Gita to philosopher Alan Watts, there’s a shared idea that life isn’t meant to be taken too seriously. It’s a dance, a cosmic play, where we’re both the participants and the observers. I’m a big believer that life is what you make of it. You can choose to see it as a hell to endure. Or you can choose to see it as a game. I choose to see it as something to dance to. Something un-serious. Something I get to enjoy and experience and create. As no one can actually prove what the meaning of life is, why not choose the theory that makes us the most happy? Why not embrace the perspective that life is a game? That doesn’t mean being reckless or irresponsible. It’s about finding joy in the process, taking risks, and sometimes even laughing when things go wrong. After all, what’s a life without a little fun? As I dive into this month’s four fun things, let’s keep this playful spirit in mind. Whether it’s trying something new, indulging in a guilty pleasure, or just being a little more spontaneous, the point is to have as much fun as possible while we’re here. You ready to play, cowgirls? Life is an Escape Room It’d been a long time since I’d actively tried to have fun. So, when hubby suggested an escape room on my birthday, I was all in. I love escape rooms so much! The detail and mystery behind the storylines and the time pressure to solve all the riddles get me going like an excitable little kid. There’s something about the thrill of the escape room that is some kinda metaphor for life. Perhaps life is a game just like a long escape room. We’ve just got to remember to get excited for all the challenges in our way. The Bhagavad Gita & My Birthday Tat Right after the fun escape room, we head to the tattoo parlour. I haven’t had a tattoo inked on me since I was a teen. And I’ve never had a tattoo done I actually wanted. (Long story, I was a confused young girl). But a couple of weeks back, while reading an amazing book, the urge struck me. I wanted something meaningful to remind me that life is a game and that there is a greater reality to the illusion of our daily lives. So, I turned to my favourite book – the Bhagavad Gita – and found a quote. “You were never born; you will never die. You have never changed; you can never change. Unborn, eternal, immutable, immemorial, you do not die when the body dies.” Easwaran's translation of the Bhagavad Gita The Bhagavad Gita is a sacred Hindu scripture. It is a dialogue between Prince Arjuna and the god Krishna, who imparts profound spiritual wisdom and philosophical teachings to Arjuna, addressing fundamental questions about duty, righteousness, the nature of the self, and the purpose of life. The Bhagavad Gita invites us to embrace our roles without attachment (even explaining Prince Arjuna’s role as a warrior and his duty to kill). It urges us to play our part in the divine game of life without getting entangled in the outcomes. So, here’s my new tattoo. A Long Summer Holiday, Alone I was worried about our first August in Portugal. Schools would be closed. Temperatures would be g**damn-level hot in Portugal. Historically, not a great combo for my mental health. But then my husband’s parents say they’re coming over to visit for a couple of weeks. They’d be renting a little beach house and the plan was for my husband and the kids to stay there. Following that, him and the kids would go over to the UK to see the rest of the family for another 10 days. And just like that, August went from dread to vacation. 3+ weeks of alone time for me, after 3 years of losing bodily autonomy. (That’s what being pregnant and having twins is – the loss of bodily autonomy). I had no idea how much I actually needed this break until 4 days in. My mind suddenly started clearing and my body started stepping out of fight-or-flight mode. And yes, I love my kids, but no, I still needed the time apart. I am soaking up every nanosecond of peace, independence, and introspection as I can. Recharging the batteries. I’m excited for them to come home to a better mommy. (And I miss them all!) Dropping Shame & Giving Fewer F*cks I think it must have been from this long, solo-break I’ve been having. I’ve been using my time to explore some of my deeply entrenched sources of shame. Like my internalised racism, sexism, and misogynoir. And in shining a light on these internalised beliefs, they’ve stopped being such extreme sources of shame. After exposing them to the light of reason, self-love, and existentialism, they’ve revealed themselves to be phantoms. And these ghosts were only living inside of me because I let them. It’s from this point of earned freedom that I got the tattoo that I wanted. In fact, I think it was dropping shame that allowed me to even want a tattoo for myself. Because I was brought up to believe that tattoos were for “bad people”. Decent people didn’t get tattoos. So, my tattoo as a teen was out of pure rebellion. But this one was out of love. My in-laws also came over to the house before it was time for them all to head to the airport. The house I was staying at alone was a complete mess. Normally, I’d scramble to tidy up before they arrived. But I didn’t. My husband had a shame attack on my behalf which made me realise how dry my well of shame was.
European Cuisine: A Food Tour of Epic Portions
“European cuisine,” a restaurant sign said. European cuisine??? What European cuisine? European cuisine is as diverse as its languages, landscapes, and histories. We can’t simply lump them into a homogenous continental taste. So, in this post, we’ll embark on a culinary journey through the continent, exploring the rich flavours that make European food so extraordinary. And if you behave, dear reader, I may even suggest some culinary food itineraries. This way, you can eat, pray, love your way through the deliciousness. You’re welcome! Disclaimer: Europe is a vast continent with countless regional variations. This post is just a starting point for your culinary exploration. So please, get curious. This post is also limited to where I have travelled to/ food I have explored. There’s obviously soooo much more. And I am also highly biased. Potato & Beer Europe Although every country in the world has it’s own quirks, it’s clear that there is a very obvious culinary divide on the European continent. On social media, it’s been called the potato/ tomato divide. I’ve also heard it being called the beer/ wine divide. It also follows the weather (grim/ sunny), and a language divide (Germanic, Latin). IYKYK. We’re going to first look at the potato/ beer/ grim weather/ Germanic European cuisine first. Vegans, turn away NOW! German Cuisine is (Not?) the Wurst A giant schnitzel with a meagre side salad When I visited Germany nearly 10 years ago, the food was NOT something I enjoyed. As a long-time vegetarian, I was a little annoyed that even the French fries came with ham bits and were fried in animal fat. But I was pleasantly surprised on a work trip to Berlin a couple of years back where I found a wide variety of fun, delicious eating spots in the vibrant city. Unfortunately, as a vegetarian, none of these spots offered traditional German cuisine. German food is still heavily meat-based. Schnitzel, the endless variations on the wurst sausages, pork and chicken dishes dominate the main meals. I cannot attest to their deliciousness, but it does look very hearty (if not a little heart-attack-y). Beyond boiled vegetables, there are some German–vegetarian options, like the German-version of mac-and-cheese: käsespätzle. German baked goods are also delicious. They have many gorgeous dark breads, yummy cakes, and, of course, it’s the home of the pretzel (vegan!). For vegetarian versions of German cuisine, check out Forsters in Berlin. You’re welcome! British Pub Grub A Beef Wellington with a Degree from Oxford I detest “chip shops” and old-style pubs (including every Weatherspoons I’ve ever been to). They’re smelly, dusty and dark. Or worse, lit with operating-table fluorescent lights and reeking of cheap oil. The food at these places is also generally quite hit-and-miss. And more often than not, a greasy miss. Thankfully, a sub-group of British cuisine has evolved significantly from the traditional pub grub. Introducing: the gastropub. These are pubs that serve high-quality food, and often offer a better ambiance, too. Gastropubs create delicious, modern takes on British classics like the shepherd’s pie, fish & chips, and various pies. And the wonderful thing about the UK is that they cater very well to a variety of diets. Gluten-free, vegetarian, vegan, nut-free… you’ll find something delicious for everyone. The one thing I don’t mess with in the UK? Traditional British desserts. Be it the scones, sticky toffee pudding, or the god-awful Christmas cake that Brits like to set on fire, it’s a “no” from me. I’ll eat everything else, though. Except for the black pudding. (It’s made from congealed blood). Swiss Cheese & Chocolate The Swiss Win Potato European Cuisine with the Cheese Fondue Now, if I had to live anywhere in Potato Europe and settle for only having that specific European cuisine my whole life, I would choose Switzerland. I would, however, be cheating. Because Switzerland is Potato and Tomato Europe fused into one ball of deliciousness. You have the Alpine lamb dishes, hearty stews, and cheese pies. (Yup, that gorgeous Swiss cheese with the holes). And you have the lovely dishes from their French side, including raclette and fondue. And if that isn’t enough, there’s an Italian speaking area of Switzerland, too. So, hello Risotto and pasta! And don’t forget dessert. Swiss chocolate. Swiss rolls. Swiss meringue. All the cakes and pastries… *salivates* Switzerland really has it all. Belgium: Half Potato, Half Tomato Second only to Switzerland, I’d choose Belgium. Half potato and beer, half tomato and wine, Belgium is a delicious blend of culinary traditions from all across European cuisine. Think of Belgian fries to Belgian chocolates to Belgian waffles to Belgian beer… yes, it’s ALL delicious! (By the way, what we think of as “French fries” are actually Belgian. Just erroneously named by American soldiers during one of the world wars). So if you’re looking to sample different cuisines and cultures without leaving one country, go to Belgium. You’ll find French, Dutch, and Flemmish traditions, all with numerous tasty treats to offer a food tourist. Czech Beer & Dumplings Beer is Cheaper than Water in Czechia… I went to Prague, and honestly cannot remember anything I ate. This might be because the beer was cheaper than water. Tasty, light, and so diverse! Czech beer is some of the best in the world. But if you are looking for something to help you hold your alcohol down, you can check out their dumplings (knedlíky) and some of their stews. People have told me that Czech food is comfort food. And maybe it is. I just don’t remember much of anything from my trip to Prague. Except for the beer and a very scary Russian man at the bar… Tomato & Wine Europe Tomato Europe, or southern European cuisine. Yessss. The Mediterranean diet is as yummy as it is healthy (in moderation!). It’s also made for slow eating among friends and family. I’ve spent a good amount of time in France, Spain, and Italy. Our family is currently living in Portugal. If you’re looking for fun, sun, and yum, Tomato Europe is your jam. Ze French: Oui, oui, mais ouias… Apéro: A French Pre-Drinks with Cheese,
Why NOT to Live in Portugal: 6 Reasons Not to Move (2024)
Portugal. Of late, Portugal has captured hearts with its promise of sunshine, affordability, and a laid-back lifestyle. I mean, we moved here in September 2023 and haven’t looked back. But before you pack your bags and book a one-way ticket, it’s essential to consider the potential downsides. While my family and I have thoroughly enjoyed our expat adventure here, there are certain aspects of life in Portugal that might not suit everyone. Let’s dive into 6 reasons why NOT to live in Portugal. 1. Portugal’s Laid-Back Pace and Bureaucracy May Drive You Nuts Portugal is renowned for its relaxed atmosphere, which is undoubtedly a huge draw for many. But if you’re used to the fast-paced hustle and bustle of a big city, the slower pace of life here might feel like a drag. Most gyms open after 7am, and many restaurants close after lunch and before dinner, probably for a siesta. Hand-in-hand with the relaxed pace of life is Portugal’s bureaucratic system. From obtaining residency permits to dealing with taxes, expect plenty of paperwork, multiple trips, confusion, and waiting around. For example, one year in, I’m still waiting on my residency permit (I’m a South African national). I was told I’d have my residency permit within 6 weeks. I’m now in month 6, with no indication when it’ll arrive. (“Don’t worry, it sometimes can take a year,” a well-meaning Portuguese bureaucrat told me. Great.) The courts also close completely from 16 July to 31 August, adding to an already large backlog, so it’d be wise not to need legal justice in July. Despite this, I still find Portugal remarkably easy to get settled into. I think it’s because I’ve lived in South Africa, Ethiopia, and France, and have inadvertently become a professional bureaucracy navigator. But I find the laws and civil servants here to be fair and not out to make life harder. Good luck to you Americans, British, and Australian/ New Zealanders with low bureaucracy thresholds. Take some yoga and meditation classes before moving here. 2. The Cost of Living Isn’t Always as Low as You Think Portugal is often seen as a budget-friendly destination. And while it’s true that the overall cost of living is lower than many other European countries (*side-eye* UK), it’s essential to look beyond the headline figures. Rents in cities like Lisbon and Porto have risen significantly in recent years. And while you can certainly find affordable accommodation, it might involve some compromises (see Point 3). Additionally, while fresh produce is generally inexpensive, other items like imported goods and dining out can add up quickly. Also, private health insurance and private school is often recommended for expats, which can add a substantial expense to your monthly budget. Monthly ballpark figure for an expat family of 4:- includes 2 children in private school- 2-bed rental in a residential area near Lisbon= ~3,500 EUR/ month Make sure you’re on top of your budget before moving here. 3. Portugal’s Real Estate Market: Yikes! The Portuguese real estate market can be a minefield for locals and foreigners alike! In cities like Lisbon and Porto, property prices are wildly overvalued because of a housing shortage. The influx of foreign investors seeking Golden Visas through property investment have not helped. Conversely, rural areas, while offering a charming escape, come with their own set of hurdles. From complex legal restrictions to dilapidated properties (think high-priced ruins), finding the plot can be daunting. And new builds, while promising modern living, often involve navigating a maze of bureaucratic red tape and dealing with unscrupulous developers. Then there are the… aesthetic challenges (see pictures below). Many Portuguese buildings, especially older ones, lack the curb appeal we’re accustomed to. Graffiti, peeling paint, and the absence of elevators are common. It’s a stark contrast to the postcard-perfect Portugal often portrayed. So, if you’re a first-time buyer with limited funds (like us), you might want to consider this as a reason why not to live in Portugal. 4. Local Jobs and Salaries May Not Pay the Bills Portugal’s economy has been improving, but job opportunities, especially for English speakers, remain concentrated in the major cities of Lisbon and Porto. If you’re looking to work in a specific industry or field, your options might be limited outside these urban centers. But even if you find a job, the remuneration may be a big reason why not to live in portugal. With a minimum monthly wage of 820EUR in 2024, and highly skilled workers often stuck with salaries below 3,000EUR, you might struggle to make ends meet. And that’s saying nothing of all the taxes! What most expats try to do, and what many Portuguese are starting to do, is working remotely for international companies. In fact, many young Portuguese are leaving Portugal in search of better jobs in the rest of Europe. 5. Economic Outlook Concerns While Portugal has made significant strides in maintaining steady economic growth, the country still faces challenges. Unemployment rates remain relatively high at 6.5%, and the economy is heavily reliant on tourism. This means that Portugal’s economic outlook can be susceptible to external factors, such as global economic downturns or changes in travel trends. The Covid-19 pandemic was a particularly nasty time for the country. 6. The Portuguese Summer is a Double-Edged Sword Portugal enjoys a fantastic climate for most of the year, but the summers can be incredibly hot and dry. While the beaches are lovely, prolonged exposure to high temperatures and UV can be challenging, not to mention dangerous. Personally, extreme heat makes me really cranky. NOT great in general, but highly problematic when you’re a mom to twin toddlers. So, if you’re considering moving to Portugal, bear in mind how you extreme handle heat and make a plan, proactively. For me, I’ve found myself staying indoors with a fan pointed at me 24/7 throughout the entirety of August. The twins’ grandparents have whisked the girls to safety, and away from hot-angry-mommy. On top of that, many parts of Portugal experience water shortages during the summer months, which can
Scheduled Downtime: Why It’s Good to do Nothing Once in a While
Scheduled downtime. It’s a term associated to our technological companions. But somehow doesn’t come with the same kind of acceptance and understanding when referring to us. More often than not, it doesn’t even cross our minds to book in some scheduled downtime for ourselves. And when it does, it often comes with guilt and hesitation. So, what is it about rest that has us feeling so conflicted? Here’s my take on why it’s good to do nothing once in a while, and why we don’t do it. What is scheduled downtime? (And what’s not?) Our society is so far removed from what true, planned rest looks like, I thought it worthwhile to define it for us. Scheduled downtime is not simply taking a holiday or some paid time off. It’s a statement of value to yourself and to others. You’re demonstrating with your actions that you value yourself and your health. Here is my criteria for what qualifies (and what doesn’t!) as scheduled downtime: 1. Scheduled Downtime is Planned Ahead of Time Though it may seem obvious, scheduled downtime has to be scheduled. So, quality downtime can’t be spontaneous or opportunistic – like when you’ve got an unexpected lull at work or when you’re ill. To make full use of scheduled downtime, it should be planned. Not only will it help you fully relax, but you’re also sending yourself an important message. You’re telling your nervous system that you value yourself, your mind, and your body, and that you are deserving of rest. 2. Scheduled Downtime is Free from Responsibility It’s not scheduled downtime if you still have your usual responsibilities. Kids. Chores. It should all be put on hold. Nobody and nothing should be relying on you during your downtime. There should also be no threat of responsibility. So, don’t be sneakily pretending to “work from home” hoping no one finds out. Formally take time off, get your automatic e-mails up, and make sure your kids (and/ or spouses) are not around to bother you. 3. Scheduled Downtime is NOT a Time to Keep Up with Anything Except the Kardashians One thing you might be tempted to do is use the scheduled downtime to get ahead on your ever-growing task list. We’re so pressured keep up with our work, our chores, and even with replying to e-mails and WhatsApps, that we often feel obliged to use our downtime to do that. But scheduled downtime means that you give yourself a break from that all-consuming pressure. Release yourself from the need to keep up. 4. Scheduled Downtime should Free Up Mental Real Estate Not only should you not be doing anything to keep up with work or chores during your scheduled downtime, but you should also be giving your mind a rest. During scheduled downtime, you should try to minimise your mental stress and the number of taxing decisions you have to make. This also means not forcing yourself to stick to your normal routines (bye-bye 5 am wake up!) or other optional commitments. Your scheduled downtime is for fully recharging, not for enforcing discipline. Why it’s good to do nothing sometimes, but why it feels so bad I find something inherently depressing but very telling about the term Paid Time Off, or “PTO.” It’s thinly veiled corporate speak for the harsh equation: work in exchange for permission to exist outside of work. It implies our primary purpose is to toil away, with brief respites granted at the employer’s discretion. Work is, therefore, the centre of our lives. But should our worth be measured by our output? And should leisure time be reduced to a necessary evil to prevent burnout? If our corporate overlords could find a way to prevent worker burnout without the leave, I’m sure we’d see our precious PTO vanish. “Idle Hands are the Devil’s Playthings” This warped perspective on work and leisure has its roots in a puritanical work ethic that equates idleness with sin. Capitalism has since proliferated this worldview and conditioned us into believing that relaxation is a moral failing. However, our drive for productivity ignores our evolutionary history. Hunter-gatherers worked far less than we do. But ever since the agrarian revolution, we’ve been steadily working longer and harder hours. And now, the information age threatens to blur the lines between work and life even further. Because of technology, we’re now “on call” 24/7. This relentless pressure to be constantly productive creates a toxic cycle of guilt and exhaustion. How often and for how long should you do nothing? The ideal duration and frequency of scheduled downtime is going to be different for different people. But while there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, I recommend aiming for regular periods of uninterrupted relaxation. Some people like weekend getaways or more frequent half-day escapes. But my schedule is 3 full days of scheduled downtime every 3 months. Even though I spend those 3 days in a (often dark) room with food and lots of TV to watch, they leave me more refreshed than a conventional holiday away. The key is to listen to your body and mind. Recognise when you’re likely to feel overwhelmed or burnt out to schedule in some downtime before you snap. Then make it a tradition! Scheduled downtime: Some ground rules to consider Now, I don’t have hard set rules for scheduled downtime. But I do have some guidelines. I’ll share my personal rules with you in case you find them helpful: (1) Be Alone For me, it’s not really downtime if I’m with someone. And as lovely and easy as my husband is, there’s just something recharging about being alone. Maybe it’s not having to check in with anyone. Maybe it’s about not having to speak for a couple of days. Whatever it is, I definitely recommend doing your scheduled downtime alone. (2) Be Unavailable Do not be nice and tell people that they can contact you if they need something. Let them figure out what to do on their own! Warn your work colleagues, your parents, your kids, your spouse not to contact you unless it’s an emergency.
22 Gen Z Sayings & Slang (with Meanings)
Okay, so I missed the Gen Z category by 4 years. But I might as well have missed it by 40 years, because culturally, I feel like I’m 10 lightyears away! With their 90s outfits and their way of speaking, I honestly feel like that old aunty, needlessly angry about things we don’t understand. (I’m sure this is how our ancestors feel about the way us speak millennials, too!) So, in an effort not to go grey(er) before my time, I’m investing in understanding wtf these youngins are sayings and sharing my findings with you! I’m focusing on the tougher, more confusing Gen Z sayings and slang, so be prepared to scratch your head a little. 22 Gen Z sayings and slang to improve your understanding but deteriorate your English Wanna know what I think about Gen Z sayings and slang? I think it may just be the death of the English language as we know it. 1. Cheugy Perhaps appropriately, we start with cheugy. Something that is outdated and un-trendy. Like me. A millennial making a blog post about Gen Z sayings. 2. Guap Big Sean tells me it means money. Lots and lots of money. 3. Brat/ Brat Summer Came across this when Kamala Harris got called “brat” by a singer. It means something along the lines of embracing authenticity and confidence in oneself. 4. Let them Cook To allow someone the opportunity to carry on with what they’re doing. 5. IYKYK Short for “if you know, you know.” Commonly used in reference to an inside joke or something only a specific community might understand. 6. Drag If you drag someone, you’re making fun of them. This can be equated to roasting someone. 7. Catch these Hands Threatening to start a fight. “You gon’ catch these hands!” 8. Slaps Something is excellent or amazing. 9. Periodt Extra emphasis at the end of a sentence. Pronounced fabulously exactly as it is spelled. 10. Finesse To trick or manipulate someone/ something in order to get what you want. 11. Simp Someone who does way too much for the person they have a crush on/ are dating. (From sympathetic, I think?). Basically, a very nice person who probably gets hurt. 12. Cap I get confused by this one a lot. Cap means to lie. So “no cap” it means you are being honest. 13. Finna No idea how this started, but this phrase also confuses me. Finna means “I’m going to” or “I intend to”. Yeesh. 14. Stan No, it’s not short for “Stanley” or standing by something. It’s actually a combination of “stalker” and “fan.” If you stan someone, it means you’re obsessed with something. (But not in a bad way?) 15. Snatched If someone is looking snatched, they look really good, particularly their hair or outfit. 16. W or L To most, they’re just letters in the alphabet, but to Gen Zers, W means “win” and L means “loss”. Example, “Take the W, bro.” 17. TFW Stands for “that feeling when.” Like “TFW you get off work early on a Friday”. If you thought it was something along the lines of “The F*ck —” you wouldn’t be alone. 18. Snack This unsuspecting word has been transformed from a little bite to eat to mean a sexy or attractive person. “He’s a snack!” 19. Camp Something that is ironically trendy. One might consider the young folks who are wearing horrible 90s clothes to be of the camp aesthetic. 20. Bop A really good song or album. I guess like how we used to say “That’s a jam!”, its now become “That’s a bop!”. I’m pretty sure this word is borrowed from the 50s. 21. Sending Me When you find something particularly funny. Like, “That Reel is still sending me.” 22. Sus Short for “suspicious,” sus it typically means something is not as expected, or shady. Keep Going in the Comments! I know I’ve missed out many slang terms and sayings and that’s probably because I’m too cheugy to even come across them! Drop your favourite slang in the comments.
Why Birthdays are Important at Every Age
For years, I was a birthday forgetter. Those annual eruptions of cake and bad decorations, struck me as an unnecessary frivolity. A social performance best left unobserved. My husband (pictured above), bless his patient soul, would get that hopeful look in his eyes a week before his big day. Only to be disappointed when the day came. Worse, I’d make him feel bad for “making a fuss about it”. “You’re not five, Dave!” Urgh, how horrible I was! So, if you’re as cynical about birthdays as I was, this is a short post on why birthdays are important at every age! Why birthdays are important at every age (but especially in childhood) I had a few good birthdays growing up. Don’t get me wrong. My birthdays were not a joyous blur of frosting and streamers. I remember having a good birthday at the tender age of 3. And then again at 8. My mom, in a rare burst of effort, created an epic treasure hunt that led me through to some cool presents. (I have a hunch it was out of guilt for believing she neglected me after the birth of my brother earlier that year). That day stands out in stark contrast to the forgotten birthdays that never came. This lack of birthday cheer left its mark (even though I did a good job of hiding it). I convinced myself, and tried to convince others, that birthdays didn’t matter. But, of course, it was a defense mechanism, a way to shield myself from the imminent disappointment. The truth was, birthdays mattered. Maybe they wouldn’t have mattered if we’d stayed in Ethiopia, where my parents are from, and where birthdays are not as big a deal. But being surrounded in a culture that appreciated people on their birthdays and feeling like the only one who wasn’t seen or celebrated on “my special day” was particularly painful. How I changed my mind on birthdays TLDR: therapy. Here’s the long story: It took a while, but eventually, something shifted. Maybe it was watching the genuine joy on my husband’s face when his family surprised him with a gifts and a goofy card on his birthday, every year. But I think there was a big shift for me after therapy. Therapy helped me realise that I am allowed to feel whatever it is that I am feeling in the moment. Even if it was something “embarrassing” like “Yes, I want to make a big deal out of my 31st birthday”. Because for all their perceived cheesiness, birthdays are powerful little things. They’re our little societal tradition of love and celebration. Final Thoughts So, here I am, the reformed birthday Grinch. And here’s my takeaway messages. Birthdays may not cure world hunger, but they do something important: they remind us that we’re seen, we’re loved, and we deserve to feel a little bit special, every now and then. Sure, it can feel a little commercial or materialistic at times, but they don’t have to be. So, if you find yourself rolling your eyes at birthdays, wondering what the big deal is, I invite you to look into yourself. Because, maybe like me, you’ve had to convince yourself that birthdays aren’t important, because you weren’t appreciated or made to feel seen. And sometimes, it’s easier to pretend that something doesn’t matter, than to admit that it really f*kn hurts.
10 Best Places to Travel as a Black Woman (2024)
*A post for black women* Girl, we all know the world isn’t always built for us. As Black women, merely existing can feel like an obstacle course, let alone venturing out to explore a new place. And with travel, there’s a whole extra layer of questions: is it safe? Will I be welcome? Will people want to touch my hair? On top of that, the usual worries about being a woman on the road come into play. But guess what? We deserve to experience the world too! That’s why I’ve compiled a personal list of my 10 best places to travel as a black woman. Whether you’re looking for tropical, cultural, or big city living, I’ve got you! So pack your bags, ladies – it’s time to see the world! Travel Destination Criteria I thought I’d start out with the set of rules I’ve used for picking the places I’ve chosen. So, here’s my criteria for what makes somewhere one of the best places to travel as a black woman: 1. Safety Duh! Safety is priority number one, of course. We all deserve to feel secure while exploring new places. So, you won’t find any war zones or places they do terrorism or kidnapping on this list. No places with excessive crime, either. We face enough dangers because of our appearance, and we don’t usually have the best odds in hospital situations. So, on this list, we’ll stick to the safest places that even mom won’t worry about. 2. Racism (or Lack Thereof) This is a big travel criteria as a black woman. Because who wants to fend of racism while on holiday, right?! And while every individual’s experience in these places might be different, I’ve gone with looking at the general racism I felt in these places. Because, while we can’t avoid it completely, some destinations are more welcoming than others. 3. I’ve Been There Personally So, while I am well-travelled, this criteria narrows down the list significantly. But hear me out. Anyone can do a hypothetical “best places to travel as a black woman” list. But I think there’s still something to be said for actually having lived experience in those places. 4. Cultural Awareness What is cultural awareness? And why is this different to racism? Sit down, I’m glad you asked. A place with cultural awareness of black people is one where people are accustomed to seeing and catering to Black travellers. One where they don’t gawk or try to touch your skin or hair. Or ask weird questions like “Do you know Oprah? Beyonce? Or Rihanna?” – true story. (Unfortunately, no. We don’t run in the same circles.) So, while a place might not be considered “racist”, there may be a lot of unintentional cultural insensitivity that may be annoying to navigate on holiday. 5. Fun! Of course, no list is complete without considering the fun factor! These destinations offer not just safety and respect, but also beauty, adventure (but not the warzone kind), and amazing experiences. Buckle up! Here are the best places to travel as a black woman (in no particular order): 1. Reunion Island, France Okay, the “France” part is slightly misleading. Because this gorgeous island is actually located off the east coast of Africa, in the vicinity of Mauritius and Madagascar. How it still belongs to France is a history lesson I won’t be giving. But how amazing it is, I can tell you. (I lived there for about 7 months). From the natural offerings (tropical forests, oceans, volcanoes), to lovely restaurants, stunning beaches, and fun events throughout the year, Reunion is as close to paradise as it gets. Also, its as modern as any big city with all the amenities you can ask for. The population is super mixed so you’ll be able to find whatever you need (hair care, foundation shades, braids). So, take your Duolingo French with you to Reunion Island and thank me later. 2. Lisbon, Portugal Full transparency: we live near Lisbon now. But there’s a reason why we live here. Many, in fact. (I wrote a whole post about it). Lisbon has that European-city charm, great weather, fun, forever-partying people, and it’s also super accepting to people of all colours. Because while my mixed-race family has had trouble integrating in Africa, we’ve had no issue here. They also operate on “Mediterranean time”, which means you wake up at 10am, have a nap at 3pm, before partying the night away. It’s a veritable festa. Lisbon has it all. If you’re looking for something more cultural, you can definitely check out the palaces in Sintra (30 mins north). Or perhaps lounging around on a beach is more your style? Visit Costa da Caparica (30 mins south, pictured above). 3. Havanna, Cuba My heart is in Havanna, ooh na na… Cuba is multicultural. You can go there on any budget. (I went on the Broke Ass Student Plan). And, of course, the nightlife is amazing. But it’s also super safe, very multicultural, and absolutely stunning! (Who knew communism could look so good?). On top of that, the rum was cheaper than water in some places, and Cuban cigars are pretty cheap. So, you can fully indulge your vices under the guise of “cultural integration”. 4. Reykjavik, Iceland My friend, go to Iceland in the winter. I cannot promise you multicultural. (These statues were the closest I got to finding another brown person). I cannot even promise you sunshine and good weather. But the cosiest Christmas atmosphere in the most ethereal place, you will find. Lovely bars, restaurants, and most importantly, people, too. And the sun rises at 10am and sets at 4pm in December. So you can wake up late after partying for 12 hours. (Check out their blue lagoon hot springs if you’re into something more chill.) 5. London, England Aaahh London. My first time visiting was during a week of excellent weather in July. The sun was shining. People were singing (for money) in the streets. Those
3 Best Self-Concept Books To Change How You See Yourself
My friends often credit me with ruining their lives through the psychology books I recommend them. *takes a bow* But jokes aside, psychology books can be risky business. You see, these are different to your typical self-help, “10 Steps to Happiness” fluff pieces. These are the kind of books that shatter your whole way of thinking, leaving you questioning everything you ever thought you knew about yourself. This can be painful at first, as you grapple with the loss of who you knew. But, it also, more importantly, leaves a lot of space for a new sense of self. Intrigued? Terrified? Maybe a little bit of both? Well, my dear internet friends, strap in, because here are my top 3 best self-concept books that will absolutely transform how you see yourself: Self-Help vs. Psychology Now, before we dive in, it’s important to distinguish psychology books from your typical self-help book. Unlike self-help, which often offers quick fixes and one-size-fits-all techniques, psychology books delve deeper. They’re grounded in research, practice, and studies, giving you a solid understanding of the human mind. Instead of simply telling you what to do (like counting to 5 or doing a visualisation/ breathing technique), psychology books probe. They ask questions that challenge your assumptions and push you to explore the “why” behind your thoughts and behaviours. This approach might not offer instant gratification or boost in morale (often the opposite!). But it aims for a more lasting transformation, one built on self-discovery rather than a temporary motivational high. And to be clear, I’m not hating on self-help books (though I consume them very sparingly). I have seen how they can easily become a paralysing coping mechanism, where you read self-help books to procrastinate actually changing your life. Psychology books, on the other hand, are the opposite of a coping mechanism, in that they slap you in the face with the truth. For that reason, I find them infinitely more useful than the “10 ways how to not give a f***”-style books currently flooding the market. So, without further ado, here are my top 3 best self-concept books that will absolutely change your life. The Drama of the Gifted Child – Alice Miller Are you a high achiever who constantly strives for that elusive gold star? Do you have a nagging sense that love and validation hinge on your accomplishments? If so, Alice Miller’s “The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self” might just be the book to ruin your life (as you know it). This book explores the hidden cost of achievement-based praise in childhood. Miller, a celebrated psychiatrist, argues that children praised for achievements rather than their authentic selves often develop a ‘false self’.This is a people-pleasing persona that masks their true needs and emotions. This constant striving for external validation leaves them feeling empty and disconnected from their inner selves. “The Drama of the Gifted Child” helped me understand why I felt (and sometimes still feel) like a fraud despite my successes. It showed me that true self-worth comes from accepting and expressing my full range of emotions, not just the ones that win approval. (This blog is a testament to that growth!) But before you hesitate, “The Drama of the Gifted Child” isn’t about diminishing ambition. It’s about building it on a foundation of self-acceptance. A shift that has the power to transform your entire relationship with yourself and your achievements. My friends who read this 100% confirm that this has life-ruining capacity. Read it at your own risk. Homecoming – John Bradshaw John Bradshaw’s “Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child” plunges headfirst into the murky depths that is the unconscious. And yes, that is as scary as it sounds. If “The Drama of the Gifted Child” helps you understand why you chase achievements, “Homecoming” bulldozes the wall between what you think you know about yourself and the truth. It goes into the back-end of all your behaviours and thoughts. And even, perhaps most importantly, it shines a light into the abandoned home of buried emotions you’re normally too scared to even acknowledge. “Homecoming” works with the concept of the wounded “inner child” – that part of you shaped by early experiences, both good and bad. Be prepared, though, because this exploration is not for the faint of heart. (I suggest only reading this book when you’re stable enough to induce psychological upheaval in your life). Because “Homecoming” wasn’t a quick read for me. It took months, filled with mini (and maxi)-breakdowns and major self-discoveries. It was truly the most “life-ruining” book I’ve encountered yet, dismantling my self-image and forcing me to confront hidden aspects of myself. But like any good apocalypse, the destruction leads to a powerful sense of rebirth. Now, I feel stronger and more whole than ever, and maybe, just maybe, someday I’ll be brave enough to revisit this transformative book. Maybe. The Highly Sensitive Person – Elaine Aron Do you struggle in loud spaces and need time to “recharge” between social engagements? Do you sometimes find yourself preferring to sit alone, in a dark room, away from everyone and everything? Are you more sensitive to pain (emotional or physical), textures, sounds, or people’s feelings? Well, consider “The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You” by Elaine Aron your validation anthem. This book flips the script on societal norms, and reframes those “contrary” preferences, deep emotions, and heightened awareness that often leave you feeling like an outsider. Aron uses the term HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) to describe a neurodivergent trait thought to be prevalent in 15-20% of the population. (Scientifically, it is now called Sensory Processing Sensitivity). So, chances are, if you’ve ever felt like you process the world a little more intensely, you might belong to our vibrant crew. “The Highly Sensitive Person” offers a comforting narrative, explaining that your sensitivity isn’t a weakness. Rather, it’s a powerful trait that allows you to experience life with profound richness and depth. It’s a game-changer for HSPs and their loved ones, leading to improved understanding and self-acceptance. Sure, this book recommendation
TV Shows to Watch Right Now: 3 “Action”-Packed Series (2024)
Fellow couch potatoes… uh, I mean, TV enthusiasts, listen up! If you’re like me, you’ve been through a particularly dry televionary season of late. But now, many series are back with a new season, so we can return to our couch-potato habits. So, grab your popcorn because we’re diving into honest reviews of 3 action-packed (or supposed to be) TV shows! House of the Dragon, S3 (HBO) Me with all my risk factors, oblivious to what’s to come 4.2 Stars! Season 2 was a whirlwind of battles, betrayals, and fiery Targaryen drama. Let me tell you, the anticipation for Season 3 was high (at least for this viewer!). While I admit I only started House of the Dragon halfway through Season 1 after my husband’s obsession reeled me in, I am undeniably a huge fan, now. Because House of the Dragon undeniably knows how to yank at your emotions. A lot of it sadness, anger, and pure stress. But Season 3, unfortunately, feels like a bit of a slow burn compared to Season 2. I mean, the wait for the previous guy to die and our rightful queen to rise was already agonising last season. Can we get to the good stuff, now? I’m 4 episodes in and still somewhat waiting for things to crescendo. Anyway, here’s hoping the remaining episodes pick up the pace – I’m currently rationing myself to one a week to savour the series and avoid emotional overload (or perhaps underload in this case!). Vikings: Valhalla, S3 (Netflix) 2.5 Stars! Vikings: Valhalla Season 3… well, let’s just say the wait wasn’t worth the mead. After literally a year (!) of anticipation, this season landed with a dull thud. The action scenes feel recycled, the writing is boring and predictable. And then there’s Freydis’ accent. Let’s just say Stitch (from Lilo & Stitch) might have been a Swedish woman in a past life. To top it all off, the core cast is scattered across separate storylines, making the whole thing feel more like a collection of short stories than a cohesive saga. The banter and chemistry that drew us in are gone, replaced by a disjointed narrative that lacks the raw Viking energy of the original series or even Valhalla’s earlier seasons. On the bright side, it’s perfect background noise if you need something vaguely medieval playing while you fold laundry. It’s only on this “TV Shows to Watch Right Now” series because I want to commisserate. Watch if you’re desperate. Receiver (Netflix) 3.4 Stars! For those who haven’t seen “Quarterback” yet (myself included!), Netflix’s “Receiver” offers another dive into the world of sports docs. Now, I freely admit my knowledge of American football is close to absolute zero, but “The Last Dance” had me hooked on basketball despite the same cluelessness. (I watched it 3x!). So, when “Receiver” promised a look at the lives of NFL’s top receivers, I was cautiously optimistic. While it doesn’t quite capture the heart-pounding intensity of the trailer, “Receiver” is a surprisingly chill “action” watch. Don’t expect the same inspirational gut punches as some other sports documentaries, but it’s a laid-back way to peek into the day-to-day of these incredible athletes. Are they really TV shows to watch right now? Well, yes and no. No if you value quality. Yes if, like me, you’re desperate to watch something. Anything. Truth be told, I’m still hungry for quality adrenalin-fuelled, surprising, emotive TV. So, if you happen to know of such TV shows to watch right now, please drop your wisdom in the comments. Meanwhile, if you’re looking for light, summery TV shows to devour, check out my top 5 for 2024.
Travelling with Twin Toddlers: 7 Tips We Learned The Hard Way
Travelling with twin toddlers is not easy. But there are ways to lessen the pain! Here are 7 toddler travel tips we learned the hard way.