When starting Chai & Sunshine, I looked up many successful blogs for inspiration. Cup of Jo and The Blonde Abroad were of particular interest for the aesthetic and the engagement.
But I subconsciously imbibed something else from my blogging research.
That to be successful, I should keep things light.
To be successful, I should keep things white.
My blog should be about design and style, with curated images and clever, non-threatening humour.
But as I work through my own unlearning – including internalised racism and misogyny – I realise that what I want to talk about and create is not just another “white woman blog”.
I do not want to be a minor character in my own creation.
What I want to create is a safe space for authenticity, starting with myself. I want to create a safe space for black women, which means a safe space for all women, which means a safe space for everyone. I want to create space for us to exist as our whole selves. And I want to do this intentionally. Not when it’s convenient. Not as a “nice to have”.
So, I’m going to be redoing the categories on this blog to better reflect me my actual values.
And it will be unapologetic.
What I feel x My values = Say it unapologetically
I came across this equation today and fell in love.
As part of the childhood trauma club, it’s been a long journey to figuring out how I actually feel about things. Historically, I have only concerned myself with how others feel and how I was supposed to feel in reaction to that to avoid conflict.
When I started on the journey of authenticity, it would take me a couple of weeks before I could identify what that twinge in my tummy meant. I’ve gotten that down to a few minutes now.
Not knowing what I truly felt about things meant that I also didn’t know what my values were. I certainly could not tell you whether I valued myself. But there were clear indications that I did not value myself very highly.
Understanding how I truly feel about things, and working through questions around my intrinsic value as a human being have helped me grow immensely in confidence.
A year ago, I would have not had the confidence to unapologetically say:
I am created a safe space for black women on my blog.
And I don’t care about being everything to everybody anymore.
Don't try to be everything to everybody
Are you a people-pleaser?
Well, name 3 people who are pleased with you.
My blog so far has been trying to cater to the feelings of everyone. Mainly women.
But not saying anything about my experience as a black, African, woman, that may make anyone else feel excluded or uncomfortable.
But in censoring such integral parts of myself, I wasn’t being authentic.
And we aren’t about that anymore.
So, while everyone is and always will be welcome, I will also be specifically expressing my experiences as a black woman.
Final Thoughts
My journey through to finally allowing myself to take up space is sweet and beautiful.
It’s like I can finally see myself – the core of personality beneath all the trauma responses I had adopted to survive.
Join me on this ride into realness, y’all.