How Chai & Sunshine Was Born:
The Origin Story
“Are blogs even still a thing in 2024? Like, who even reads anymore?”
You gotta read it in that ‘whiney California girl’ tone. That’s the voice in my head. Think Kardashians circa 2019.
Right before I started Chai & Sunshine, in the quiet moments when Kardashian-esque doubts were floating to the surface like bloated dead bodies in a second-rate True Crime show, I was lost.
Super, duper, uber lost.
Like twerking-Miley lost.
And I had been for 3 years already –
After the universe threw me a slew of curveballs that sent me into a state of semi-permanent survival mode.
Let’s take inventory:
First time mother of twins?
Check.
Consequent job loss?
Check.
Back to my parents’ house?
Double check.
Top that off with a depression that would not budge for, like, two whole years?
Yeaaahhh… let’s just say 2021 was NOT my year.
2021
"Let's travel while I can still work from home!"
Moved to South Africa with my husband to visit my parents for "3 months". Found out we were having twins. Stayed for 18 months.
2021
First Time Mama
Said twins are born. Beautiful baby girls we called Zoya and Willow.
2021
First Time Jobless
"Since you have refused to move to Germany with your newborn twins, we won't be renewing your work contract."
2022
Hello Darkness, My Old Friend
After a really rough time of adjusting to parenting, we decide to give the UK (where my husband is from) a try.
2023
"I definitely need sun"
Nope. Nope. The weather. The price of daycare. We couldn't stay in the UK any longer. We moved to Ethiopia (my family has a lovely home there).
2023
"Better fat than sad, I always say!"
Also, after nearly 2 years with severe depression, I tried antidepressants, which were a welcome relief, despite the weight gain.
2023
"We're moving to Portugal!"
Power cuts, water shortages, and, of course, a war, made us feel that maybe Ethiopia wasn't the place we would raise our kids.
My husband and I, with babies in tow, moved from South Africa (where my parents are)
to the UK (where his parents are)
to my country of origin, Ethiopia (hello, affordable childcare!)
before finally settling in Portugal.
And throughout that time, although my husband was working part-time from home, we were mainly surviving on our savings.
I had also started on anti-depressants (something I swore I’d never do because ‘it can’t be good for you’) and gained about 20lbs (or 10kgs) in the space of 3 months.
So, when we arrived in Portugal in September of 2023, completely lost, fat, and scared, I jumped at THE FIRST career opportunity that came my way.
The opportunity had all the trappings:
- It was something I’d done before. So, I was confident that I would be able to do it again.
- It was something (I’d convinced myself) that I was passionate about.
- It was something reputable. It had status. Which was important. (Status pleases the parents and I always aimed to please).
- It was at the “intersection of climate and Africa”, which made me feel good about doing something noble.
- I liked the way “venture capital” sounded. Like there was lots of money to be had.
- It was a startup, and I’d be joining at the Executive Level. Ooooh, Executive. I liked the sound of that. (See bullet point on status).
But there was one more curveball that the universe was about to send my way.
And boy, did I not see this one coming.
Not even 6 months into my “dream” job, where I could play executive, work with Africans on climate change, and get all the purpose my directionless brain was so badly craving, my body started to rebel.
I would get anxiety attacks before every meeting and just dread every weekday.
My sleep was getting disturbed, I was eating a shit-ton of junk, and my chest was full of tightening angst.
Why though??? This was not supposed to be happening… Hadn’t I finally climbed out of the hole???
It was funny, because all my life, I had always been able to do things that weren’t totally aligned with what I wanted in life.
What I wanted was never at the top of my list when it came to choosing what I wanted to do.
Instead I did things for (status/ pleasing my parents/ money/ insert reason here).
That’s how I got through 2 engineering degrees (don’t like engineering) and 4 years at an organisation I absolutely hated by the time I left.
Its how I became a mother before I was totally ready. (More on that, here).
But somehow, this job, the one at “Executive Level” in the fancy world of “Venture Capital”…
…the job I thought would “save me”…
…became the very straw that broke the camel’s back.
I just could not carry on the way I was going.
My body would literally not tolerate it.
After fighting myself to finally leave that job, the process of healing a lifetime of limiting beliefs began.
And my journey to “I’m fine” and actually meaning it was super intense.
Less “Hollywood glow-up” montage where I would get super toned abs and make lightning-fast progress towards ultimate success, and more like desperately battling my own mind through gritted-teeth, thinking “what the f*** am I doing?”.
It involved weekly therapy, inner-child work (not for the faint of heart, WOW), mountains of journalling and a whole lot of figuring out what really mattered.
But looking back, 2024, when my body stopped obeying me, was also the year I woke up.
I realised I’d been chasing money, status – basically the whole “Disney villain life plan” – and totally lost myself in the process.
I’d forgotten how much I loved writing, and how much writing has helped me. It had been the one constant in my life since I was a wee lassie of 6.
I’d forgotten that what really makes me happy is connecting with myself and others – getting deep, being silly, being honest, and figuring out life.
I’d forgotten that I love experimenting, like a little scientist, with my food, with my home (DIY-style), and with everything else. I love tinkering. Investigating. Learning.
And it was when I finally remembered what I really liked to do that the idea for Chai & Sunshine emerged.
But Chai & Sunshine is not just about me living my dream of writing for the sake of writing.
It’s about creating a space – beautiful and safe – for others on their own “homecoming” journeys.
Because, when I was in the thick of it –
– caring for twin babies, moving countries 4x in 2 years, getting depressed, gaining weight, losing my job, depleting my savings, and having absolutely NO CLUE what I was going to do with myself –
all I wanted was something, someone, somewhere that mirrored my mess:
the confusion, the joy, the pain
– the whole rollercoaster of this thing called life.
This blog is that space.
Here, I share the lessons I learned; the hard-won wisdom from both my struggles and victories.
No sugarcoating.
No pretending life is perfect.
Just real talk, delivered with a warm hug like a comforting cup of chai on a sunny spring day.
