Why Birthdays are Important at Every Age

Published on 10 September 2024

For years, I was a birthday forgetter.

Those annual eruptions of cake and bad decorations, struck me as an unnecessary frivolity. A social performance best left unobserved.

My husband (pictured above), bless his patient soul, would get that hopeful look in his eyes a week before his big day.

Only to be disappointed when the day came.

Worse, I’d make him feel bad for “making a fuss about it”.

“You’re not five, Dave!”

Urgh, how horrible I was!

So, if you’re as cynical about birthdays as I was, this is a short post on why birthdays are important at every age!

Table of Contents

Why birthdays are important at every age (but especially in childhood)

I had a few good birthdays growing up.

Don’t get me wrong. My birthdays were not a joyous blur of frosting and streamers.

I remember having a good birthday at the tender age of 3. And then again at 8. My mom, in a rare burst of effort, created an epic treasure hunt that led me through to some cool presents.

(I have a hunch it was out of guilt for believing she neglected me after the birth of my brother earlier that year).

That day stands out in stark contrast to the forgotten birthdays that never came.

This lack of birthday cheer left its mark (even though I did a good job of hiding it).

I convinced myself, and tried to convince others, that birthdays didn’t matter.

But, of course, it was a defense mechanism, a way to shield myself from the imminent disappointment.

The truth was, birthdays mattered.

Maybe they wouldn’t have mattered if we’d stayed in Ethiopia, where my parents are from, and where birthdays are not as big a deal.

But being surrounded in a culture that appreciated people on their birthdays and feeling like the only one who wasn’t seen or celebrated on “my special day” was particularly painful.

How I changed my mind on birthdays

TLDR: therapy.

Here’s the long story:

It took a while, but eventually, something shifted.

Maybe it was watching the genuine joy on my husband’s face when his family surprised him with a gifts and a goofy card on his birthday, every year.

But I think there was a big shift for me after therapy.

Therapy helped me realise that I am allowed to feel whatever it is that I am feeling in the moment. Even if it was something “embarrassing” like “Yes, I want to make a big deal out of my 31st birthday”.

Because for all their perceived cheesiness, birthdays are powerful little things.

They’re our little societal tradition of love and celebration.

Final Thoughts

So, here I am, the reformed birthday Grinch.

And here’s my takeaway messages.

Birthdays may not cure world hunger, but they do something important: they remind us that we’re seen, we’re loved, and we deserve to feel a little bit special, every now and then.

Sure, it can feel a little commercial or materialistic at times, but they don’t have to be.

So, if you find yourself rolling your eyes at birthdays, wondering what the big deal is, I invite you to look into yourself.

Because, maybe like me, you’ve had to convince yourself that birthdays aren’t important, because you weren’t appreciated or made to feel seen.

And sometimes, it’s easier to pretend that something doesn’t matter, than to admit that it really f*kn hurts.

Why birthdays are important at every age (but especially in childhood)

How I changed my mind on birthdays

Final Thoughts

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